Saturday, March 31, 2012

A funny God

I was talking with my therapist recently about how life seems to keep circling back around to my unresolved issues. He mentioned the phrase "a funny God," which at first confused me. And then I realized he was talking about what I was talking about -- that, until you have really, truly worked through something, life/God/the universe/whatever you want to call it will keep bringing you the same situation until you work your way through it.

I moved this weekend, downsizing from an 1800 square foot house to an 850 square foot apartment. Not surprisingly, this means I now have WAY too much stuff. Stuff stacked in boxes around the apartment, stuff stacked in piles that I have to work around. Stuff that has made my home chaos.

I was staring at all of this stuff today, feeling overwhelmed and triggered by memories of growing up in a house where you couldn't actually walk straight through most of the rooms. You had to pick a path over, through, and around the piles of stuff. I felt very much like I was back with my mother, surrounded by an unmanageable chaos. And then, all of a sudden, I realize that wasn't true at all. Too much stuff, yes. Chaos, yes. But, this time around, I have the ability to simplify, discard, and organize. I have the power to make my life what I want it to be. My mother's issue no longer needs to be my issue.

A funny God, indeed.